“…the wind left. And I wept. And I said to myself:  what have you done with the garden that was…

“…all spoke the same language. That was the time when words were like magic…” Inuit If you are not my…

“…Tell me about your despair, And I’ll tell you about mine…” Mary Oliver While nothing much is as black and…

“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” African Proverb A few…

"Friend, hope for the Guest while you are alive. Jump into experience while you are alive! Think… and think… while…

“Besides my numerous circle of acquaintances, I have one more intimate confidant – my melancholy… My melancholy is the most…

It’s Good Friday here in Coronavirus Land. We might say on this “Holy Week” that the virus itself is our…

“Guilt is a teacher, love is the lesson.” Joan Borysenko, Ph.D. Guilt is not a feeling. Guilt is a judgement…

“We can make our minds so like still water that beings gather about us that they may see, it may…

“Anger ventilated often hurries toward forgiveness; and concealed often hardens into revenge.” Edward Bulwer-Lytton Have you ever loved an alcoholic or…

“It still hasn’t occurred to Western man to stop looking on woman as a symbol of something and to begin…

I was forty-something and still longing to be loved the way I needed to be. She had the same longing.…

Last night as I was sleeping, I dreamt—marvelous error!— that I had a beehive here inside my heart. And the…

Yet if I were asked to name the most important items in a writer’s makeup, the things that shape his…

“If I take death into my life, acknowledge it, and face it squarely, I will free myself from the anxiety…

“Despair is a haven with its own temporary form of beauty…” David Whyte Several years ago, I gave a brief…

"...teach us to care, and not to care and to be still..." ~ T.S. Eliot Last week I was honored…

“You must give up the life you planned in order to have the life that is waiting for you.” ~…

People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing. ~ Will Rogers See the tiny toddler going to…

This is a most unique and comprehensive book, which is a culmination of thousands of hours of teaching, counseling, key noting…

Animals are nothing but the forms of our virtues and vices, wandering before our eyes, the visible phantoms of our…

"In fact, the conflict itself is creative and perhaps should never be healed." ~ Thomas Moore Very often men seek…

Baseball … teaches that errors are part of the game. ~ Ernest Kurtz Some of us, long ago, learned that…

If you tell the truth, you have infinite power supporting you; but if not, you have infinite power against you.…

“A man falling in his own esteem needs more ground under his feet; to stand again he may need the…

Though much is taken, much abides; … that which we are, we are, One equal temper of heroic hearts, Made…

“We have conquered the environment, and in our obsession for control, we no longer allow the environment to live in…

Imagination is more important than knowledge. ~ Albert Einstein If we believe that our dream life is at least as…

Knowing trees, I understand the meaning of patience. Knowing grass, I can appreciate persistence. ~ Hal Borland Men learned how…

The power of a man … is his present means to obtain some future apparent good. ~ Thomas Hobbes Many…

Ring out the false, ring in the true. ~ Alfred, Lord Tennyson As boys we learned that we had to…

For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of all tasks, and the ultimate, the…

In the woods is perpetual youth. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson Because our society is so youth-oriented, many men want to…

If there is to be any peace it will come through being, not having. ~ Henry Miller As boys, many…

The voice at the center speaks in tongues of flame … The child in man hears his fire rise. ~…

Nature is one of the languages God speaks. ~ Robert Bly Many men have dabbled in, even mastered, languages. We…

Our capacity for intimacy is built on deep respect, a presence that allows what is true to express itself, to…

Blessed is who has found his work; let him ask no other blessedness. ~ Thomas Carlyle The work we do…

Speak to the earth, and it shall teach thee. ~ Job 12:8 So many men have been brainwashed into believing that…

"A thoughtful book like this encourages contemplation, rather than hyperactivity, and, oddly, we need good words in order to find…

"Where have all the grownups gone?" ~ Robert Bly, The Sibling Society Emotional regression is a person and social unconscious…

Q. How are we supposed to treat others? A. There are no others. ~ Ramana Maharshi My eyes bleed to see…

“Are you proud of yourself tonight that you have insulted a total stranger whose circumstances you know nothing about?” ~ Atticus…

Entrain: “To draw along with or after oneself.” ~ Merriam-Webster Entrainment is syncing our rhythms with someone else’s. Women who…

"He was so angry at me you would have thought I had tried to help him." Harry Stack Sullivan, M.D. Look,…

Yesterday during an intensive session with a client, he said, “Why did she leave me? Why didn’t I see the…

The rule for men and women’s communication before, say Adam and Eve, was to not talk much about anything.  Adam never…

"It ain't dying' I'm talking about, it's living..." Gus in Lonesome Dove Hold on, there’s a good and true ending.…

When I was a boy the conversation went something like this: “Mom, does dad love me?” “Of course he does…

Masculinity means so many different things depending on who you ask. In 1991 there was a meeting set up by…

Scene 1 I’m an aging man sitting with his three dogs in a rented house way out of my price…

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding about ourselves. C.G. Jung “Mend his life.” “You…

Thoughts and Poetic Direction When you come to a fork in the road, take it. Yogi Berra No matter what…

“When we lose someone and we find ourselves, we win.” Anonymous One of my best, dearest friends I'll call K…

If you’re going home for the holidays, trying to recover from a divorce, a break-up or really any transition, change…

As Part II to my previous post, "Isn't It Touching," I thought touch-starved men might be interested in considering the…

Most men are touch starved, touch phobic or sexualize a tender touch. Many men have never availed themselves to a…

“Adults can’t be abandoned,” I said in a clinical conference with 500 or more persons in the audience. They were…

The following is taken from my first best-selling book, The Flying Boy: Healing the Wounded Man. I thought it was…

Book Release Celebration and Reading at Malvern Books - Friday Oct 5 at 7 pm John Lee will be celebrating…

Dear Mr. Lee, I’m sitting on a rock beside a small stream in the Memphis Botanical Gardens as I write…

These are excerpts from my forthcoming book. They encapsulate my work with clients, workshop participants and key-notes. Hope you find…

Letter 21 St. Louis, MO Dear John, I need to thank you for your book, “The Flying Boy.” I am…

“…Loneliness can be a prison, a place from which we look out at a world we cannot inhabit…" Poet David…

In this unusual blog post I am sending out samplings of my new soon-to-be eBook. I am very interested in…

There’s something about that season from Thanksgiving to New Year’s that will bring out the adult children’s worst fears and…

The young person’s task is to primarily emancipate from his or her original family. I have a chapter in my…

Separation vs Isolation Emotionally intelligent people engage in separation instead of isolation. By age two children begin the process of…

Feelings Are As Important As Facts First things first—A feeling is a fact at the moment a person is experiencing…

A Poem by John Lee As I crawled through the tall grass of grief I saw so many interesting and…

The University of North Alabama, formerly Florence State College, formerly Florence State Teacher’s College, spread out before me waiting to…

A Poem by John Lee previously published in The Dragon's Letters   Geese know the ancient path their parents laid…

Excerpt from Life is a Funny Old Dog I worked in my dad's machine shop after school and on Saturdays…

A POEM BY JOHN LEE A baby’s pink and shy blue hydrangea sit like colorful lions guarding her steps that…

Now for a totally different kind of blog post in a more personal story/memoir format. Part of the reason I'm…

I needed the money to supplement the poverty wages I was making as a teaching assistant while working on my…

The wind is different tonight. The leaves on the trees move easily. Summer rain cleans the horses grazing the wet…

from The Flying Boy Letters: Responses and Replies 30 Years Later Letter # 31 June 29, 1990 White Bear Lake, Minnesota…

The Flying Boy Letters: Responses and Replies 30 Years Later Letter # 12 September 11, 1990 Norwalk, Connecticut Dear John: I…

This an excerpt from my forthcoming book written with Kat Hrdina. …I think that an addiction to a person is…

"We must let go of the life we planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us."…

Anger as Punishment and Revenge Alcoholics, addicts, and adult children of alcoholics don’t get angry – they get even. One…

This is the time of year when a lot of grief may rise to the surface, and a season that should not…

Jenny and her husband George both said, “we never fight,” like it was a good thing. We explored further why…

In celebration of my 65th birthday in October, I'm going to post a couple of poems - given that I still…

In celebration of my 65th birthday in October, I'm going to post a couple of poems - given that I still…

Sadness that does not abate The passive person is often sad in part because they do not actively grieve their…

The Minnesota Men's Conference is near and dear to my heart, and this link will take you to an exciting…

An Excerpt from the Introduction of a Memoir in Progress In Alabama, if you meet someone you know you say,…

I’m pleased to announce that after a break from offering my 2-day Intensives in Austin, Texas, I am now making…

A woman called me the other day for help. When I asked her what the problem was, she didn’t hesitate.…

WE HAVE TO WATCH OUT WHERE WE'RE GOING: Boundary Errors and Boundary Violations First, a boundary is “This is how…

Identifying Passivity Passivity is a compulsion or learned tendency to live at half-speed regarding certain segments of their life. Almost…

Solving the Problem of Passivity Passivity is the compulsion to pursue the opposite of what we say we want. This…

Read Part 1-4 first “I keep pursuing Faith, if for no other reason than because it is the place in…

“…I don’t mind you saying I’ll die soon, even in the sound of the word soon I hear the word,…

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate,…

“It may be when we no longer know what to do, we have come to our real work and when…

“Despair takes us in when we have nowhere else to go; when we feel the heart cannot break anymore, when…