“Is it nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows … or to take arms against the sea of troubles, and by opposing end them …” William Shakespeare
As children we did not “let” things happen or be said and done to us. In point of fact, we lacked “agency” over our lives.
Sometimes clients will say something like, “I don’t know why he or she speaks to me so inappropriately or why he or she doesn’t respect my boundaries, tears me down, makes me the butt end of joke, controls and/or manipulates me.”
The gentle and empathic answer I give when they seem ready to hear is “You let them,” and then they might say, “Why do I let them?”
This three-letter word, L-E-T because in those moments, minutes, months and sad to say even years, we’re not sure if we have “agency” and we regress. “Letting” emerges out of untreated, unhealed, and unrepaired traumas. So, boundaries do not get established and defended or we don’t have any idea what our limits and tolerances are for unwanted or abusive, inappropriate behaviors.
I ask you gently to reflect on what are you or your clients or grown children still “Letting” happen that you or they want to come to an end?
And to end on a positive note regarding the word LET, “You better LET someone love you, before its too late.” The Eagles