It took me a long time to repair the father-son wound. Lots of grief had to be dipped out of my body; some anger had to be put into overstuffed pillows, punching bags, and a little shouting into the ether. And sure enough, the healing began thanks to mentors, therapists, healers, and friends. So, since […]
The Perfection of Imperfection
Baseball … teaches that errors are part of the game. ~ Ernest Kurtz Some of us, long ago, learned that anything less than perfection was failure. We learned this in our families, at school, from coaches. Some of us had “four A, one B” parents: we handed them our report card, they looked silently at […]
Seeking the Truth
If you tell the truth, you have infinite power supporting you; but if not, you have infinite power against you. ~ Charles Gordon I’m a man who has told lies and lived lies and listened to the lies of other men. Lying is what I was taught to do. I was told that if it […]
Self-Esteem
“A man falling in his own esteem needs more ground under his feet; to stand again he may need the whole world for a foothold.” ~ Wendell Berry So many men try to live up to the expectations and visions of others (as our fathers did) by acquiring land and things, even by “collecting” people! […]
Search for the Sword
Though much is taken, much abides; … that which we are, we are, One equal temper of heroic hearts, Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield. ~ Alfred, Lord Tennyson Most of us received no sword from our fathers. Instead we inherited […]
Retrieving Dreams
Imagination is more important than knowledge. ~ Albert Einstein If we believe that our dream life is at least as important as our waking life, what wonders might occur. Intuition is as real and dependable as anything that can be scientifically observed. We know from experience that we become what we imagine. We don’t just […]
Learning Patience
Knowing trees, I understand the meaning of patience. Knowing grass, I can appreciate persistence. ~ Hal Borland Men learned how to wait long ago. We waited on our parents to approve of us, to love us as we were, to stop drinking, or just to come home from work and give us their attention. Failing […]
Empowerment
The power of a man … is his present means to obtain some future apparent good. ~ Thomas Hobbes Many of us have lived for power, often getting it at a very high cost to ourselves and the people we love. In such cases, we seldom feel empowered by our actions. Nor do we feel […]
The False Self
Ring out the false, ring in the true. ~ Alfred, Lord Tennyson As boys we learned that we had to find out who others wanted us to be. Then we were taught we had to become that person in order to get acceptance, appreciation, and love – things we should have gotten just for being […]
Centering
For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of all tasks, and the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation. ~ Rainer Maria Rilke As men we were often taught that the center of our universe is work, that we are […]