Where There’s Roles: Maybe Rage

The two things every human being needs and wants is to be seen and heard. This is very difficult, indeed, almost impossible if you and I are still letting our roles define who we are, and this is especially true for most people at mid-life and beyond. Most roles are assigned or acquired during childhood or early […]

NOTES: Thinking About Freedom and Money

“Without a rich heart, wealth is an ugly beggar.” Emerson “I want to have more money,” a client said to me during his session yesterday, “so I’ll have more freedom to do what I am passionate about; I really need more money.” There is so much that we have been taught, told, and modeled or […]

Learning Patience

Knowing trees, I understand the meaning of patience. Knowing grass, I can appreciate persistence. ~ Hal Borland Men learned how to wait long ago. We waited on our parents to approve of us, to love us as we were, to stop drinking, or just to come home from work and give us their attention. Failing […]

“Why?” The Most Useless Question

Yesterday during an intensive session with a client, he said, “Why did she leave me? Why didn’t I see the red flags?” Today during a phone session with a man in his late 60s, he said, “I’ve always asked myself why did I get to come back from Vietnam and so many of my buddies […]

Isn’t It Touching?

Most men are touch starved, touch phobic or sexualize a tender touch. Many men have never availed themselves to a therapeutic massage by males or females. I was one of those men into my 30s. The first time I received a healing massage, I wept and wondered why I’d waited so long and why I […]

A Collection of Poems from a new book, “Five Friends on Sunday Afternoons”

Book Release Celebration and Reading at Malvern Books – Friday Oct 5 at 7 pm John Lee will be celebrating the release of, and reading from, a new collection of poems, “Five Friends on Sunday Afternoons,” along with authors, Lyman Grant, Bill Jeffers, David Jewell and John Oakley McElhenney. Please join them at 7 PM […]

Enhancing Emotional Intelligence – Part I

Feelings Are As Important As Facts First things first—A feeling is a fact at the moment a person is experiencing it. Emotion is as important as logic. In other words, if a person feels sad because their pet of ten years is lost or died, the sadness is as real as the sun, and they […]

A Thunderstorm in Mentone – a Poem for my Father

The wind is different tonight. The leaves on the trees move easily. Summer rain cleans the horses grazing the wet grass in the pasture across the road. I saw lightning for the first time in months. It looked like a ragged tuning fork, and I felt the thunder roll through my body. Today, in a […]

I Can’t Get Angry at my Mother

The Flying Boy Letters: Responses and Replies 30 Years Later Letter # 12 September 11, 1990 Norwalk, Connecticut Dear John: I just finished your book, The Flying Boy, and since I am one, I thought you might be able to provide to me advice regarding a specific issue I’ve been confronting—and one you’ve confronted. First of […]

Discipline and Punishment

Anger as Punishment and Revenge Alcoholics, addicts, and adult children of alcoholics don’t get angry – they get even. One of the reasons adults have such a problem feeling and expressing their anger is because anger has forever been tied to punishment and revenge. People who are punished – instead of disciplined – tend to […]